i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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