Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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