scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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