i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
