i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I want her autograph on my taint
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
