Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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