Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
