Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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