I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
