I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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