Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
