your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
