WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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