Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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