im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
