I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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