I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
