One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
