If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
