Who did Billy Mays play for?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
