I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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