she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
