so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
