she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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