Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
