sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
