Pants 0. Shit 1.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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