im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
