My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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