You're so nebulous sometimes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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