nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
