thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
