I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
