I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
