the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
