Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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