yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
