nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize