This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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