I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
