There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
