I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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