I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
