but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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