I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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