Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
