If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
