So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
