all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
