The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
