i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
