the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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