You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize