Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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