I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
