just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
