Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
