Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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