so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
