so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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