a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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