wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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