Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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