She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
