I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
