fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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