...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
