So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
